Letter to 14-year-old Lamar

Dear Lamar,

My biggest advice to you is to be patient. You’re winning. You just don’t know it yet. High school may seem like a new world but continue to take it in stride.

Your passion for sports will help you see things about the world with clarity. You will also meet your best friend Davon, this year. You two are polar opposites and two sides of the same coin all in one. The Shawn Hunter to your Cory Matthews. These comparisons may be confusing and cryptic but I know you will understand in due time. This will be a level of friendship that you need in high school. Sometimes I want to forget that we went to high school.

But I want to encourage you to find beauty in its many flaws. And I want to say you did just that. You were not popular or unpopular. I would describe you as an inbetweener. Again I will remind you it is beauty in that gray area. It is a space you thrived in and made your own. We are not conventional.

As we approached the end of high school we began to wear our confidence on our sleeve. We finally started to take shots at girls. Shots that crashed and burned. But, you kept that next play mentality. A mentality that became essential to your grown in life.

High school went by quicker than you expected. Your senior year was complicated. You finally made the varsity basketball team. Though you saw the shade beyond the trees and left the team. You didn’t realize it at the time but, that was you beginning to realize one of your real superpowers which is your mind. It was also a time in your life you prioritized your own happiness. Remember that feeling.

Through your short time on the team you made a friend, Deionte. One that will always be a huge part of your life regardless of the closeness of your friendship now. He pushed you to start Inside380. A sports talk show on YouTube that upped your confidence further and taught you things about yourself you never knew. That year was important for you both. A friendship of accountability where excellence was not the goal but the expectation.

But when you graduated everything changed again. It would be the last time you and Davon would see one another on a regular basis. Although, getting older did not change your relationship it matured it. After months of being doubted you went to your dream school: the University of Kentucky. A school that when you originally applied started off as your third choice became the choice that changed your life forever. The school is far from perfect but the city of Lexington will always be your second home.

Everything that made you an inbetweener in high school made you a star at UK. It may take you some time to realize it but your originality, authenticity, humor and overall personality is why people gravitated towards you. Other people saw you hangout with different friends groups and were bewildered. But, you were just being you. Actively trying to interact with different groups of people and just always trying to explore everything college had to offer. This is where you learned how to be a journalist but better yet you learned your real talent was your ability to communicate with people.

This time when senior year came around you realized that though college had been amazing that it was important to focus more on your growth and finishing college strong. Though, that finish would involve throwing parties. After, going to parties for three years out of simple leisure and being a spectator. You were now the ringleader. Throwing and promoting parties led to surreal experiences. Too many experiences to count and despite a noticeable age gap helped you meet some of your closest friends. It became less about parties and more about bringing diverse groups of people together.

Who would have thought? The skinny 14-year-old that was about five-foot six would accomplish all of this in seven years. But see this was not the end of the story. An eventful senior year made it even harder to say goodbye. You did what had to be done. Within three months of graduation you packed up all your stuff and moved to Phoenix, AZ for grad school at Arizona State University. This change was different though. For the first time in your life, you were homesick. Add in the challenges of grad school, a new job and coaching a club basketball team and there were times you were beyond miserable. But, you had faith that you would make it through.

You pushed through due to a change in mindset, constant reassurance from your mother and from your first real friend in Arizona, Noah. Second semester of your first-year of grad school brought a new level of focus and excitement. Until late at night towards the end of January you were notified about news that broke your heart. Your best friend Davon passed away. It is not a feeling you will ever forget. There were calls and messages from everyone. You appreciated their concern but it only intensified the pain. You did not even speak in class for a few days. But again you would figure things out. Thanks to some advice from your mentor, Ed. You saw the counselor your whole second semester of grad school. This healing was key to you being able to compartmentalize everything.

Summer came and then your life really changed. You decided to write a book about your senior year at UK, after watching an Instagram video by Gary Vee. The idea of writing was fun. It changed your disposition. It gave you more energy and an outlet for your creativity. You did not know it at the time but this feeling became a big reason why after you finished your professional program in December that you were not as confident about your career as a journalist. A world that you love and would like to be in again one day but it did not maximize your happiness.

Instead, of going with the practical approach you doubled down. You found a publisher thanks to the help of your friend, Nicole. You were assigned a developmental editor who helped you refine the first draft you already wrote. Then in the summer your marketing and revisions editor pushed you in ways you did not believe and took your good book and helped you make it a great book. You learned a plethora of information about writing through the process. And now you are already eight chapters in to the first draft of your second book.

I know this was long but I needed to break everything down for you. There were a lot of beautiful memories and a few painful ones too. I don’t know what our future holds but I know whatever we accomplish will be amazing.

If I told you at 24 you would have two degrees and be mere days away from publishing your first book. What would you say? I think you would be proud but you would still be hoping for more success. It’s understandable. Your ambition has always known no bounds.

Though, again I encourage you to be patient. We are going to continue to write more books and impact lives whenever there is an opportunity. It’s your purpose in this world. And its what Davon would have wanted. So, continue to keep your head up, get good grades and play the long game. Ignore the jokes about tucking in your shirt inside your uniform pants, the size of your head, your long socks or any of the other nonsense you let bother you. Keep that big heart, continue to develop your emotional intelligence and never stop going against the grain. You’re winning.

Your Biggest Fan,

L.A.